An Athlete Dumps His MVP

July 7, 2011 § 6 Comments

His eyes glazed over as we talked, sitting Indian style on a burgundy wicker bench on my front porch – the same one where weeks earlier we danced in our recreated prom scene. This time, there was no music but the sweet sound of crickets chirping in the fading light of the afternoon. Dusk quickly settled and with it, settled the conflict of our breaking up. We never shied away from it… there was no angst or maltreatment… just fading feelings. My fading feelings to be exact.

Yes, things were going as fantastically well as they could and my boyfriend had not changed for the worse. His smile was always present, his laughter not far behind. But that doesn’t justify staying in a relationship when your feelings don’t last, nor does the odd idea that I have heard from so many peers:

“there is no certainty that I’ll find someone better.”

While true, I value my ex-boyfriend and myself too much to waste away in a fruitless relationship, albeit not a bad one, when it could evolve into a rewarding friendship.

In all honesty, my boyfriend was the best I ever had (thus far) and did little to deserve the one-sided breakup but perhaps date me at the wrong time. No, I didn’t love him. I felt stronger feelings than anything I ever felt previously… but that wasn’t love and shouldn’t be misconstrued as such though I feel it often is. Unfortunately, the schism which forms from such disparity in emotions (his much stronger affection and my lack there of) weighed too heavily on me and left little room for enjoying our relationship.

A few weeks earlier we celebrated our anniversary at Philly’s gay pride parade. An occasion meant to be exciting quickly swelled with ominous feelings as the realization that my dwindling feelings would not cease sank in, like a rock in my gut. There was no conflict, we were still happy, the feelings just died.

The thing about relationships is… much like a sailboat on a sea, there are ups and downs, storms to be weathered and perfect days to enjoy. It’s our task to navigate these waters and decide what’s worthwhile. Emotional tsunamis and even droughts of sorts can occur. But when we recognize the water’s draining from our relationship, and there’s no plug to prevent it, isn’t it our duty to jump ship?

We took a break. One week of silence to let our feelings settle. Then we ended things for a friendship. It was emotional, yet our relationship’s end came about after laughter and hugs – a reasonable way to end things. While I recommend trying to fix a relationship, if you know there’s nothing left than there is no point, no matter how charming the guy may be. Doesn’t he deserve the chance to move on and experience true affection instead of unrequited love just as much as you deserve to find someone you can maintain feelings for?

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§ 6 Responses to An Athlete Dumps His MVP

  • Well I have to say that I had a similer thought when I broke up with my ex.Things were a slight more dramatic but I told him that I wanted to be just friends before something happened that would tear us a part.Even though it maybe the right thing to do it does still sting a bit.

    • Craig says:

      It certainly does sting a bit, if not more than “a bit.” That’s one thing we both talked about, how the pain still exists even though I knew it was the right thing to do – that’s the way it is for most periods of change. If anything, we can smile knowing the pain signifies the appreciation we had for each other,

  • Mike White says:

    Moving on is sometimes the most difficult yet most important thing to do. The future holds so many good, unknown things yet to explore. But as you decide to move on, you must share how important the relationship has been for the both of you. You shared some wonderful experiences that will be part of your memory forever. Both of you grew. You smiled. You hugged. You danced.
    I lost a friendship to someone who I thought was a close friend this past year. One day we were talking, sharing texts. The next we were not talking. I tried opening doors, trying to discover what had gone wrong but to no avail.
    Our friendship may have ended but my memories of the good times have not. They will be part of me forever and I will smile when I reflect on them.
    Cherish the memories and then look to create new ones.

  • JC says:

    Sorry to hear about the breakup. Happy for both of you that you had the wisdom to recognize what you weren’t feeling and the courage to talk about it and still be friends.

    Part of growing up frequently involves multiple relationships. As we date and/or develop these relationships, we learn more about ourselves and what we’re looking for in a lifelong partner. Sometimes two people will grow together, sometimes in different directions.

    You posted a while back about different kinds of love. It sounds like you have love for Carl, but not the kind of love needed for a partner, but instead that needed for a friend.

    Jeff

  • cam laurence says:

    you made the right decision. i am 16 and think we are too young to make a commitment to one person. good luck dude.

    sincerely,
    cam

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